Why Do Marriages Fail?

Rebekah Hawk’s sharing devotional thoughts with us this week? Take a moment and stop by the contributors page to learn a bit about her.

As I was scrolling social media, I noticed a post with the caption “Why do marriages fail?” I was intrigued not only by the question but also by what people think causes marriages to fail. As June ends—the most common month in which to get married—I thought it fitting to reflect on marriage and what the Lord has taught me about this most sacred union between a man and his wife.

First, I should probably make my opinion very clear about this “falling in love” business we all hear and talk about. I think it is hogwash. Saying that I “fell in love” with my husband is not true because “falling” implies that I have no control over whom I love. What nonsense! If I love someone, it is because I choose to love him. 

Now, many of us choose irrationally—maybe that is why we want to say that love is out of our control; for example, I am an English teacher who married a man who does not read books! I would never have set out with the goal of marrying a man who did not enjoy reading books, but there you have it, I choose to love my husband wholeheartedly despite that fact. We choose to love someone in spite of our differences, personality quirks, entirely different backgrounds, pasts, and a host of other reasons we might be considered incompatible.

Second, marriage is a covenant relationship. When my husband and I got married, we made a binding promise to demonstrate our love for each other. We declared our commitment to stay faithful to the one we chose to love. Why is this so important? Marriage is hard. Life is hard. There will be times when my husband and I do not feel very much in love.

We will have very strong opposing opinions on finances, child-rearing, how we spend our time—the list goes on because we are two sinners living together. When my husband hurts my feelings, or I lose my temper, we need the strength of our covenant to remind us to be faithful and forgive each other. People sometimes think that if “I just marry the right one, marriage will be easy with very little conflict.” Nothing could be further than the truth, and nothing reveals my own sin nature like being married! 

Caution: we must have Holy Spirit discernment. Choosing to love a spouse who abuses you may mean you need to separate.

Finally, once I get married, I must continue to choose to love my husband. Why do I think marriages fail? The husband, the wife, or both stop choosing to love the other. Song of Solomon 3:4 says that when the Bride found her husband, she “held him and would not let him go.” These very simple words demonstrate her continued choice to love her husband. 

If strong marriage is what I desire, one question I can ask is, “Am I choosing to love my spouse right now?”