Rebekah Hawk penned our devotional this week. Be sure to check out the contributor’s page to learn more about her.
It’s no secret that the people closest to us can hurt us the most. Often, we find ourselves forgiving our close family members and dear friends for inflicting unimaginable pain. Pain is a part of living in community with fellow sinners, but can we forgive someone without reconciling to him or her?
C.S. Lewis once wrote: “Forgiveness does not mean excusing. It does mean that you must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your own heart.”
While God has the awesome ability (and I’m so grateful for this!) to forgive and remove our offences as far as the east is from the west, humans cannot simply forget the hurts they endure at the hands of other people.
When we imagine that Christians ought to forget others’ sins, we place unrealistic and dangerous expectations on our own shoulders. It is unrealistic because our emotions are deeply affected by negative memories, and it is dangerous because of what we might try to “live with” under the guise of forgiving and forgetting.
So how do I forgive without forgetting? I simply choose to fight the feelings of hatred, anger, and bitterness that come into my mind when I think of what that person did to me. In my grief and pain, I place myself at the cross and remember that Christ forgave (and continues to forgive) all my sins and shortcomings.
Forgiving others assures me that I’m a recipient of God’s grace because I’m able to pray with Christ, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” The words “as we forgive” teaches us that forgiveness is not a one-time act: it is a process that we work through every single time that painful memory resurfaces.
I like how C. S. Lewis puts it: “The real trouble about the duty of forgiveness is that you do it with all your might on Monday and then find on Wednesday that it hasn’t stayed put and all has to be done over again.”
In Matthew 18, Jesus explains the two separate processes of forgiveness and reconciliation. First, in verses 15-17, he details how to reconcile with a brother who has offended you, and here’s the bottom line: it takes TWO to reconcile. If the person refuses to reconcile with you, you do not have to “live with” their treatment of you.
Christ is clear: if the church cannot convince the person to reconcile with you, you must think of the person as a nonbeliever. You are under no requirements to have fellowship with nonbelievers. You can and should separate yourself from a nonbeliever who is intentionally hurting you; nevertheless, you are still commanded to forgive the offender in verse 22.
Kill the resentment in your heart, but don’t excuse sin.
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