At a Loss

It’s a pleasure to hear devotional thoughts from Jennifer Epperson this week! Be sure to stop by the contributors page to learn more about her.

Quite often we can find ourselves at a loss for words. We don’t know what to say to a friend grieving over the loss of a loved one. Then we go home kicking ourselves for not having the right words to comfort them; while, truthfully, our friend was comforted by our presence—the fact that we showed up.

An acquaintance shares about the latest national tragedy on social media, and we struggle to find the right words to post that share how our heart hurts for those involved. We are certain everyone notices our silence and is judging us for not caring. 

We live in a time and culture where everyone has something to say about everything, and, unfortunately, everyone’s words and thoughts aren’t of equal value.  We put pressure on ourselves to comment on every social problem and every major event. But the truth is that it’s okay to be at a loss for words.

Sometimes there are no words sufficient. Sometimes someone else has said what needs to be said with eloquence and grace, and there’s nothing left to be said. Additionally, the wrong words, or the right words in the wrong spirit, could do more damage than good.

For example, empty platitudes given to someone suffering immense heartache could increase the heartache because they show a seeming lack of understanding or compassion. Also, rushing to call someone out or correct them, without stopping to check our tone and our heart, is not helpful. It’s okay to not know what to say.

Also, there are times when you may not have the words for your personal time in prayer. Perhaps your heart is heavy. Maybe you are worried for loved ones who are experiencing tough times while you are also navigating a difficult relationship. Or maybe you’re grieving the loss of a dear friend. How do you cry out to God? How do you pray when you’re too upset to string coherent thoughts together? 

I find Romans 8:26 to be a great comfort. I love that the Spirit helps my infirmities and makes intercession for me. Sometimes I am at a loss and simply don’t know how to pray or for what I should be praying. It’s then that I call out for help and ask the Spirt to speak on my behalf. I have discovered that there’s nothing wrong with being at a loss for words. We should never let not knowing how to pray keep us from praying. 

When someone you love needs comfort, show up and admit that you don’t know what to say, but you’re here, and you’re praying. When you feel pressured to comment, remind yourself that sometimes it’s okay to say nothing and wait until you have the right words in the right spirit. And when you don’t know how to pray, let the Spirit intercede on your behalf. “The Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”